


Angel Dust Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

by FurbyDisaster53



Series: Hazbin Hotel Movie Parodies [17]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Helluva Boss (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1960s, Alternate Universe - Human, Austin Powers References, Human Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Human Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Human Stolas (Helluva Boss), Humor, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29466891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FurbyDisaster53/pseuds/FurbyDisaster53
Summary: In order to stop Dr. Alastor Evil, Angel Powers must return to the swinging sixties. With the help of his new partner Stolas Shagwell, Angel needs to face off with Alastor once again.
Relationships: Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel)/Stolas Goetia
Series: Hazbin Hotel Movie Parodies [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974124
Comments: 8
Kudos: 5





	1. Look Who’s Back

Angel Powers, International Man of Mystery, was frozen in 1967 and defrosted in the nineties to battle his nemesis, Dr. Alastor Evil. After foiling his archenemy’s plan to send a nuclear warhead to the center of the earth, Angel banished Dr. Alastor to the cold recesses of space and settled down with his new husband, Husk, to live happily ever after. Or so he thought……

Alastor’s Ronald McDonald was still floating in space. Alastor opened a hatch in the back, and flew out in his pod. He headed down to Earth, Fat Nuggets in hand.

Meanwhile, where we last left Angel, he and Husk just got done with having more sex in the honeymoon suite. Husk was in a robe, and Angel had on a lacey nightgown. “Spent yet, Husky?” Angel asked.

“Yeah. Do you smoke after sex?” Husk asked.

“I dunno, I never looked,” Angel replied. The two of them laughed before sharing a kiss.

“What do you want to do now?” Husk asked.

“Uh….we can shag,” Angel smiled.

“Again?” Husk asked.

“Yeah! We’re only up to chapter eleven in the Kama Sutra. Don’t ya wanna try all the other positions? Or get some rope and a riding crop and go to town on me…” smirked Angel.

“I’m gonna get some water first, doll,” Husk said. Strangely, as if he rewinded, Husk said it again. “I’m gonna get some water first, doll,” he repeated, as he got out of bed.

“Are ya okay?” Angel asked.

“Never better, Angel,” Husk replied, before shattering his water glass with one hand.

“Okay then….I think I’m gonna go watch a movie,” Angel said. 

The blonde headed to the couch and turned on a movie. He pressed the rewind button on the dvd remote to make it start over, and he noticed Husk doing everything in reverse. Angel quickly pressed the play button, and Husk seemed to return to normal.

“Husk, what the fuck?” Angel asked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Husk replied.

As Husk spoke, Angel pressed the mute button. His husband’s mouth kept moving, and no words came out. Angel unmuted it, and Husk’s sound seemed to come back on. “Holy fuck!” Angel yelled.

Husk grabbed Angel by the neck, and Angel tore off Husk’s face, revealing metal and circuitry. “Ya a men bot!” Angel screamed.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Husk replied, before he put Angel down. 

Just like with the other men bots, guns appeared on Husk’s chest. “Machine gun nipples?! How did I miss those?” Angel asked.

“Maybe next time you should focus on something other than the guy’s dick,” Husk replied, as he began firing at Angel.

Angel managed to avoid the bullets, and he hid behind the mini bar. Just then, Angel heard a recording of Alastor’s voice.

“Here’s your wedding present, Mr. Powers! A kamikaze groom. Brought to you by me, Dr. Alastor!” the recording said. 

At that moment, the robotic Husk exploded. Angel crawled out from behind the bar, managing to survive the explosion. He picked up Husk’s hand, with the wedding ring still on it. 

“I can’t believe Husk...my husband...my one true love...was a men bot all along. Who coulda seen this coming?” he asked, before pausing for a moment. “Hang on a sec, that means I’m single again! Oh behave!” Angel exclaimed.

Angel cleaned himself up and streaked through the hotel lobby. Once he was finished, he did a synchronized swimming routine in the hotel pool. “I’m back, baby!” he smiled.

Elsewhere, at the NATO Monitoring Facility in Guam, a technician named Colin was watching television as opposed to doing his job.

The television host was a man named Tom Trench. “Thanks for tuning in, everyone! Today’s topic is, ‘My Father is Evil and he Wants to Take Over the World.’ Now let’s meet Vagatha Evil!” he exclaimed.

Vaggie stepped onstage, to the applause of the studio audience. “Hey Vaggie, good to have you with us. Tell us about your father,” Tom said.

“Well, my asshole of a dad is the head of a worldwide evil organization hellbent on world domination,” replied Vaggie.

“Wow, pretty serious stuff. Where is he now?” Tom asked.

“I think he’s in space. That or he blew up,” Vaggie answered. 

“That’s what you think, but we have a surprise for you, Vaggie. Let’s bring out Vaggie’s father, Alastor Evil!” Tom called.

Alastor walked out, and the crowd began to boo. Alastor sat beside Vaggie and smiled at her. “Hello, Vagatha, dear. I’m back,” he said.

“Why are you doing this? On national television?” Vaggie asked. “Why’d you walk out on me?” she asked.

Alastor paused before he answered. “You aren’t exactly evil, darling,” he said. The crowd booed again, and Alastor shrugged. “It’s true! She’s the diet coke of evil,” he said.

“What are you, some kind of a freak?” asked one of the other guests, a man named Franklin.

“Hey! I could kick your ass!” Vaggie yelled.

“Vagatha, dear, it’s alright. No one talks to my little girl like that,” Alastor said.

Without another word, Alastor leapt out of his chair and started attacking Franklin. Studio security tried pulling them apart, but it was no use. A full on brawl broke out.

“Everyone calm the fuck down!” Tom shouted. When things quieted down, he walked over to Alastor. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m alright,” Alastor nodded.

“Okay, okay. Now someone get this asshole and that goth slut of his out of here,” Tom said. 

“I’ll tear your throat out!” Alastor yelled, before he began to attack Tom.

Colin watched the whole thing in horror. “Not again…” he muttered.


	2. Throwback

Angel was driving through New York when he got a call from Rosie. “Hey, Rosie,” he said.

“Hello, Angel. How was your honeymoon?” she asked.

“Ya won’t believe it. Husk turned out to be a robot all along,” Angel answered.

“Oh, sadly we knew all along,” Rosie replied. Angel raised an eyebrow in confusion, but decided not to ask questions. “I have a new assignment for you, Angel! You’re scheduled for a photoshoot. And your photographer works for Dr. Alastor,” she said.

“Groovy. I’ll get to my place,” Angel replied.

Soon, Angel made it to his penthouse. The photo crew was already inside setting up, and Angel’s eyes landed on the photographer. “Ya must be my camera guy. What’s ya name, baby?” he asked.

“Mike Hock,” the photographer replied.

“...I’m sorry, what?” Angel asked.

“Mike Hock,” he repeated.

“Yeah, I ain’t gonna be able to take ya seriously if I keep calling ya that. Ya got a nickname or something?” asked Angel.

“My friends call me Vortex,” he said.

“Gotcha! Angel Powers, at ya service,” Angel smiled.

“Trust me, Mr. Powers, I know a lot about you. Ready to start?” Vortex asked.

“Ya know it, baby!” Angel exclaimed.

After Angel got changed, the two of them snapped dozens of photos. As soon as they were finished, Angel gave Vortex a smile. “Wanna get outta here for a sec?” he asked.

“Sure,” Vortex replied. The two of them went to Angel’s bedroom.

Elsewhere, at Alastor’s headquarters in Seattle, Alastor sat with his associates. 

“Dr. Alastor, many years ago, we invested in a small Seattle based coffee company. Today, Starbucks offers quality coffee at affordable prices. If we shift our assets away from evil empires and towards Starbucks, our profits will increase tremendously,” Vox explained.

“I appreciate the suggestion, Vox. But I make the decisions around here. I demand respect,” Alastor stated, before turning to Velvet. “How are things?” he asked.

“Great! This is my new girlfriend, Helsa. We met at a horror movie convention,” Velvet explained, motioning to the girl beside her. 

“She seems….charming,” Alastor smiled, however Helsa just flipped him off.

“Dr. Alastor, while you were frozen, we began a program to clone you,” Vox explained.

“You did?” Alastor asked.

“Yes. However, quite a few things got….fucked while we were making them. Essentially they turned out more different from you than we expected,” Vox replied.

“Send in the clone!” Velvet yelled.

The door opened, and a tiny girl stepped in, wearing a red suit that matched Alastor’s. “Doctor, this is your clone,” Vox said.

“Incredible! I shall call her…..Nifty!” Alastor exclaimed.

Nifty smiled and sat beside him at the table. Vaggie looked at Nifty with a hint of jealousy. 

“Come, Fat Nuggets!” Alastor called. Fat Nuggets jumped into Alastor’s lap, and a smaller piglet jumped into Nifty’s. “Nifty dear, are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?” he asked.

“I’m okay!” Nifty replied, as she started stroking Mini Fat Nuggets.

“As you know, every diabolical plan I come up with gets foiled by Angel Powers. And why is that, you may ask?” Alastor asked.

“Because you never kill him when you get the chance cause you’re a huge dumbass?” Vaggie asked. Nifty flipped Vaggie off, however Vaggie did the same to her. 

“No, no. Angel Powers always defeats me because of his….’mojo’. His essence, his je ne sais quoi. If he didn’t have it, he wouldn’t be able to stop me,” Alastor began. “Now, I have created a device that will allow me to travel through time. Using this ‘time machine’, I shall travel to the sixties and steal Angel Powers’s mojo!” Alastor explained. 

“If you have a time machine, why don’t you go back and kill Angel while he’s a baby or on the toilet or something?” Vaggie asked.

“No, Vaggie dear. Leave the evil plotting to the adults,” Alastor replied.

“You could use your knowledge of the future to play the stock market. We could make trillions,” Vox said. 

“Why make trillions when you can make billions?” Alastor grinned.

“A trillion is more than a billion, dumbass,” Vaggie returned.

“Quiet!” Alastor shouted. Vaggie opened her mouth to say something, but Alastor held up a finger to shush her. “Unveil the time portal!” he ordered.

A giant, spiral structure was brought into the room. “As you know, Angel Powers was frozen in 1967. I intend on travelling to 1969, two years after he was frozen. He’ll be helpless. Ladies and gentlemen, I’m about to travel through time, I’ll bid you adieu,” Alastor said. 

He tried to walk through the portal, but just ran into a wall. “I’m alright, I’m alright. Vox, turn this blasted thing on,” Alastor said.

Vox switched it on, and the spiral began spinning. “Come along, Nifty!” Alastor called. 

He and Nifty jumped through the time machine. They came out in 1969, and were greeted by a younger looking Vox. “Dr. Alastor, welcome to 1969,” he said.

“Thank you, Vox! Goodness, you look so different. Hard to believe what thirty years can do to a person,” Alastor said.

“Right. Doctor, I got your memo from the future. Your new lair is up and running,” Vox explained.

“Oh! In the volcano like I wanted?” Alastor asked.

“Hell yes,” Vox answered.

“Brilliant! Everything is going according to plan,” Alastor grinned.

He and his associates laughed evilly, and after a while they got bored of that. “Right...so, who wants coffee?” Alastor asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friend of mine, Mimilikesherbrownies, is doing a fic giveaway! If you’re interested, here’s the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28281783/chapters/72342894?view_adult=true 
> 
> Essentially, you leave a story idea, and one will be chosen to be made into a full fic. All the information is on chapter seventeen!


	3. Angel’s Mojo

Back in 1999, Angel was in his bedroom with Vortex. Angel clapped his hands, and a fire lit.

“When did you get a clapper?” Vortex asked.

“November, 1964. No big deal,” Angel answered.

“You know, I spent a lot of time in Russia. You know how we keep warm there?” Vortex asked.

“Oh, I can guess, Mr. Hock,” Angel smirked.

“We play chess,” finished Vortex.

“...I guessed wrong,” Angel said.

Soon, the two of them set up a chess board. “It takes a lot of concentration to play chess, Mr. Powers. I’m guessing you know how to play?” Vortex asked.

“Of course I do,” Angel smiled. He actually didn’t know how to play at all, but Vortex didn’t need to know that. Angel moved his piece, assuming he did it right.

Angel never thought somebody could look sexy while playing chess, but he had never played chess with Vortex before. Angel wasn’t sure if Vortex was doing it intentionally or not, but either way, he was seriously turning Angel on.

Angel decided to try being sexy as well, so he began to lick a chess piece. Unfortunately, the blonde dropped it in his mouth and started to choke on it. Angel coughed it up, and the chess piece flew across the room and broke a lamp. 

“Lemme ask ya a question. And be honest. Do I make ya horny, baby? Do I? Do I make ya fucking ferrell?” Angel asked.

Vortex couldn’t take it anymore. He got up from the chess table and sighed. “No more games. Dr. Alastor sent me here to kill you, but I can’t! You’re just so cute and sexy and I can’t!” he exclaimed.

“Hey, no biggie. I tend to have that effect on guys,” Angel smirked, before he sat on the bed. “Make love to me, baby!” he exclaimed.

“You’re cool with this, right?” Vortex asked, as he walked over.

“Babe, I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t. Ya wanna do it?” Angel asked. Vortex nodded, and Angel smirked. “Then fuck me into next week,” he purred, before pulling Vortex onto the bed with him.

Back in the sixties, in Dr. Alastor’s lair, Alastor and his associates were talking. “Dr. Alastor, I still don’t understand how you hope to steal Angel’s mojo. You’ve tried this before. The security around Powers is unimaginable,” he said.

“Very true, but this time, we have an operative inside Angel’s holding chamber,” Alastor grinned.

“Really?” Velvet asked.

“Yes dear, try to keep up. He’s stealing Angel Powers’s mojo as we speak,” Alastor replied.

“Really?” Nifty asked.

“Yes Nifty. Really,” Alastor answered. “He’s known for his fiery temper and disgusting bedroom performances. He’s also the owner of the ugliest sunglasses I’ve seen in my life. His name…Valentino. And his codename is Slimy Bastard,” he explained.

Elsewhere, there were guards surrounding Angel’s frozen body. Valentino was among them, still in his cheap, heart shaped sunglasses. Millie, the guard in charge, looked over them all.

“I’ve been getting word that we have a spy in the holding chamber. The contents of this room are super important, so be on guard,” she explained.

“Alright,” Valentino nodded. Millie nodded back and headed out of the room. “Damn can anyone believe her? That slut thinks she’s so much better than us just because she’s married. ‘Oh, I’m a hotcase’ she says. Well guess what, bitch!? I was in bed with six hoes last night!” he shouted.

Valentino took a bomb of knockout gas out of his pocket. He pressed it, and all of the other guards were instantly knocked out. Valentino walked over to the frozen capsule Angel was in, and he began drilling into it. “I’ve got your mojo now, gorgeous,” he smirked. He extracted Angel’s mojo, which had a sparkly pink glow to it, and put it in a vile.

Back in 1999, Angel and Vortex’s sex abruptly stopped. “Are you okay?” Vortex asked.

“SHIT! I lost my mojo!” Angel screamed.

Shortly afterwards, Angel met with Rosie at the secret projects room. “Well Angel, the test results confirmed that you’ve lost your mojo. We have evidence that Dr. Alastor has developed a time machine and traveled back to 1969. Luckily, we made our own time travel device to transport you back to the sixties,” Rosie explained.

She led Angel to a large room with a pink car in it. Angel got in the car, and Rosie pointed out a keypad. “This is where you input your destination,” she continued.

“Hang on, Rosie, if I travel back to 1969, and I was frozen in 1967, technically I could go visit my frozen self, but if I’m still frozen in 1967, how can I be unthawed in the 90s and travel back to-? Oh shit, my brain hurts,” Angel said.

“Well Angel dear, I suppose the original filmmakers just wanted things this way. I suggest you don’t ask any questions and just enjoy yourself,” Rosie smiled.

“Right,” Angel nodded. “Okay, I’ll go back to the sixties, recharge my mojo, defeat Dr. Alastor, and be back in time for dinner. Swinging sixties here I come, baby!” he exclaimed.

Angel stepped on the gas, but didn’t realize he had the car in reverse. He accidentally backed into a wall. “Fuck, hang on,” he said. Angel put the car into drive, and sped off to the sixties.


	4. Met His Match

When Angel made it back to the sixties, he headed up to his penthouse. A party was in full swing, and everyone cheered at the sight of him. Angel figured that he had some time to party before he had to get to work, so he started to dance. 

As he danced, Angel didn’t notice the dark haired man watching him from across the room. Instead, Angel walked over to a brunette. “Hey, sweetheart! What’s ya name?” he asked.

“Ralphie Swallows,” the other man answered.

“That’s an interesting name,” Angel said.

“My middle name is Spitz,” Ralphie added.

“Well, which is it, babe? Spitz or Swallows?” Angel joked.

At that moment, he noticed the tall, mysterious stranger who had been staring at him. The two started to make their way to one another. Before speaking, they danced with each other.

“Those seem really tight. How do ya get into those pants?” Angel asked.

“You could begin with buying me a drink,” the man replied, with a British accent.

Angel’s eyes widened, but Ralphie walked back over to dance with Angel. Angel couldn’t take his eyes off of the British man, and he broke away and walked back over.

“You’d better be careful. Your dance partner works for Dr. Alastor,” he said.

“And just who do ya work for, baby?” Angel asked, but the man had already disappeared as Ralphie walked back over.

“So Powers, do you swing?” he asked.

“Are ya joking? I put the swing in the sixties,” Angel replied.

“Then why don’t you come right….here,” Ralphie smiled, as he walked Angel over to the corner.

While Angel’s back was turned, an assassin walked out, ready to throw a knife at him. The blonde heard the footsteps, and just in time, he spun around and used Ralphie as a human shield. The party guests screamed, and Ralphie fell to the floor.

“GET READY TO FUCKING DIE, POWERS!” he shouted.

The assassin took out a machine gun, but once again, Angel used Ralphie to protect himself. The assassin pulled out a bazooka. When he fired it, both Angel and Ralphie were launched out of the window.

“At least the fall will kill us both!” Ralphie yelled.

Angel pulled Ralphie in front of him, and used him to break his fall. “You can’t win, Powers,” Ralphie said.

“Why won’t ya friggin die already?!” Angel asked.

As the assassin fired more shots from the window, a car drove up. It had constellations and stars painted on it, and the British man from the party was behind the wheel. “Can I interest you in a ride?” he asked.

Angel nodded and jumped in, then the two of them drove down the street. “Angel Powers, I presume,” the man said.

“Powers by name, powers by reputation,” Angel smiled. 

“Stolas Shagwell, Secret Intelligence Service. Shagwell by name, shag very well by reputation,” the other man replied. 

“Oh, behave!” Angel smirked.

“Not if I can help it,” Stolas returned. The two laughed, and Angel began to think that he had truly found his perfect match.

The two of them drove on the outskirts of town, near cliffs. “Ya know what's cool? How New York can geographically change whenever it’s plot convenient,” Angel said.

As they continued driving, they began to be followed by Pentious in a black car. Pentious stuck his arm out of the window and started shooting at them. “Holy shit!” Angel shouted.

“We’ve got company! One of Dr. Alastor’s assassines, no doubt,” Stolas said. He looked back and used his own gun to pop one of Pentious’s tires. 

Pentious swerved off the road, and his car was sent flying over a cliff. Angel and Stolas ran to the cliffside to see if he was really dead. Unfortunately, Pentious was climbing back up.

“Hands up, asshole!” Angel exclaimed, as he and Stolas pulled out their guns.

“Do you remember me, Mr. Powers?” Pentious asked.

“I don’t remember ya name, but I could never forget such a stupid hat,” Angel answered.

“My name is Pentious, and I’m the man who is going to kill you,” replied Pentious, as he took out a dagger.

He ran for Angel to stab him, but he missed. Angel knocked Pentious to the ground, and Stolas grabbed the assassin and held his hands behind his back. “Who sent ya?” Angel asked.

“I’m not telling!” Pentious returned.

“Who sent ya?!” Angel shouted.

“Kiss my ass, Powers!” Pentious yelled.

“Who. Sent. Ya?!” Angel yelled.

“Dr. Alastor!” Pentious exclaimed.

“That was easy,” Stolas said.

“I know, right?” Angel asked. 

“Why did you tell us?” Stolas asked.

“I hate being asked the same question three times. It drives me mad,” Pentious sighed.

“Where is Dr. Alastor hiding?” Angel asked.

“He didn’t tell me,” Pentious answered.

“Where is Dr. Alastor hiding?” Angel asked.

“You’d have to torture me first,” stated Pentious. 

“Where is Dr. Alastor hiding?” Angel repeated.

“Dammit! He’s hiding in his new volcano lair,” Pentious said.

“Where is it?” Angel asked.

“Fuck off!” Pentious yelled.

“Do I really have to ask two more times?” Angel asked.

“Yes,” Pentious replied.

“Where’s the damn volcano lair?” Angel asked.

“I’ll never say a word!” Pentious exclaimed.

“Ha! Now you have to tell us, he asked you three times,” Stolas said.

“No, no. You see, if the second question was ‘Do I really have to ask two more times?’ So that would be the first question in a new line of questioning, and wouldn’t count in the other line of questioning,” Pentious explained.

“In some stupid way, that makes sense,” Angel said. The three of them didn’t notice as Velvet walked by, pushing Nifty in a baby carriage. “I’m just trying to get information from ya. I shouldn’t have to have consistent questions, right?” Angel asked.

“No, you have to, it’s the principle of the system,” Pentious said. Just then, Nifty shot a poison dart at Pentious. He screamed and stumbled backwards, then fell off the side of the cliff. Velvet pushed Nifty away, and the small girl flipped them all off.

“Holy shit,” Angel said, as he and Stolas stared at where Pentious had fallen. 

“Well Angel, it seems this time you may have finally met your match,” Stolas said. 

“Oh no, baby. I beat Dr. Alastor before, and I’ll beat him again,” Angel replied.

“I was talking about me,” Stolas smirked, before he started walking back to the car.

Angel was left absolutely speechless. He went to follow Stolas, but he heard shouting. “HELLO UP THERE! I fell down the cliff, but I’m still alive! I’m just badly injured!” Pentious yelled.

“I’ll try to stand up,” he continued, before he attempted to stand. However, he just fell back down. “Yes! They’re broken. Could you toss me a band aid? Or some antibacterial cream? The bone has gone through my skin, and the wound is starting to smell like almonds. Hello?!? ANYONE?!” Pentious yelled.

“Sorry,” Angel muttered, as he made his way to the car.


	5. What do You Get When You Fall in Love

Alastor was in his volcano lair with his associates. “Two of my assassins are dead. I will not tolerate failure! This is a dignified evil organization!” he shouted. 

At that moment, Valentino walked in, a smirk on his face. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” he said.

“Certainly not! Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce my spy. Valentino. Aka, Slimy Bastard. Now, did you get the mojo?” Alastor asked.

“Maybe...maybe...do you have my money?” Valentino asked.

“Yes, yes. Nifty! Get his payment!” Alastor called.

Nifty walked in with a briefcase full of money, and she placed it by Valentino’s feet. “Holy shit, she’s tiny!” Valentino exclaimed, before he started laughing at her. 

Nifty glared up at him and kicked him in the shin. When Valentino shouted in pain, Nifty grabbed the vile of mojo and ran over to Alastor. “Here!” she smiled.

“Thank you, Nifty dear,” Alastor replied.

“Bitch…” Valentino muttered.

“Dr. Alastor, what are we going to do about Powers?” Vox asked.

“Angel Powers is no longer a threat to me. After all, I have his mojo,” Alastor grinned. He opened the vile of mojo, and smelled it. “Interesting. It smells like cotton candy…” he muttered. Alastor took a tiny sip of the liquid, then his eyes widened. “Oh my goodness,” he whispered.

“Dr. Alastor, are you alright?” Vox asked, as he went over to Alastor.

Alastor looked at Vox, and for some inexplicable reason, something came over him. He gave Vox a smirk, and Vox gave Alastor an awkward smile back.

“I’m alright now,” Alastor said, before he clapped his hands. “Everyone! You’re dismissed. Vox and I are going to have some...private time,” he said. 

Everyone filed out, apart from Vox. He watched in confusion as Alastor gave him a striptease. “Dr. Alastor, are you sure you’re alright?” he asked.

“I’ve never felt better!” Alastor exclaimed. He pressed a button on the wall, and a bed rose out of the floor. “Now, shall we?” he asked, before sitting on the bed.

“Alastor, I don’t want this to interfere with our work,” Vox said.

“Don’t worry, darling, things won’t get weird,” Alastor smirked, before Vox walked over to the bed. “Now, be gentle with me, I’m fragile,” he added, before pulling Vox into a heated kiss. 

Any of Vox’s doubts melted away, and he kissed Alastor back passionately. The two pulled away, and Alastor grinned at Vox. “Faisons cela,” he purred

Without waiting a second more, Vox and Alastor subsequently got down to business.

Meanwhile, Angel and Stolas headed to the cryochamber, where Angel’s frozen body was being kept. 

“So, what happened here?” Angel asked.

“Evidently a rogue agent known as Slimy Bastard used knockout gas on the other guards and stole your mojo. What’s worse is that the other guards don’t remember a thing,” Stolas explained, before he looked over at Millie. “Would you mind cross referencing all you know about Slimy Bastard?” he asked.

“Sure!” Millie smiled.

Angel noticed a photographer taking pictures of the crime scene. “Can I borrow that camera?” he asked. When the man handed Angel the camera, he started taking pictures of his frozen self. “Look at me! I’m a sexy bitch!” he exclaimed.

Stolas chuckled to himself as Angel took the photos, then Angel handed the camera back to the photographer. “Thanks!” he smiled, before looking at Stolas. “Wanna get outta here?” he asked.

“Certainly,” Stolas replied, before he and Angel left.

The two of them proceeded to walk around the city, goofing off, before they stopped at an outdoor cafe. “So Angel, what’s the future like?” Stolas asked.

“Well, everybody’s got a flying car, entire meals come in pills, and the earth is ruled by damn dirty apes!” Angel exclaimed. 

“Goodness…” Stolas whispered.

“Had ya for a second,” Angel giggled.

“You could have me for even longer if you liked,” said Stolas, making Angel blush for a split second.

“Ya one groovy baby, Stolas,” Angel smiled. He noticed the band playing music. Angel got up, then held out a hand to Stolas. “Do ya wanna dance?” he asked.

“I’d love to,” Stolas replied, as he took Angel’s hand. 

The two of them started dancing, and Stolas placed a kiss on Angel’s cheek. The blonde started blushing and giggling. He wasn’t used to being the one acting shy and giggly, but Stolas just did those things to him. The two of them kept dancing, completely in their own world. 

“Ya pretty good on ya feet,” Angel said. 

“I’m even better off my feet,” Stolas smirked.

Angel smiled softly, then he kissed Stolas’s hand. Stolas smiled back and did the same to Angel. The two of them couldn’t have been more perfect for each other.


	6. By Any Means Necessary

At Alastor’s volcano lair, Alastor and Vox were getting coffee, and both of them were regretting their one night stand. “Hello,” Alastor said.

“Hi,” Vox replied.

“How are things?” Alastor asked.

“Good. And you?” Vox asked.

“Fantastic. Just taking a break. Try...um...try the hot pockets. I haven’t had one, but I hear they’re remarkable,” Alastor said. After an awkward silence, Alastor sighed. “It got weird, didn’t it?” he asked.

“Oh yeah,” Vox nodded.

“Well...erm….that was a one time ordeal. Honest! I’ll never sleep with you again,” Alastor said.

“I’m fine with that. You were….you were really bad,” Vox replied.

Alastor sighed. “I know. And what’s worse...I didn’t stop after you,” he said.

“What do you mean?” Vox asked. 

“Well...being the...admittedly horny mess that mojo made me…..I slept with Velvet as well,” Alastor explained.

“You what?” Vox asked. 

Just then, Vaggie stepped through the time portal. “Hey, Dad,” she said.

“Vaggie, darling? What on earth are you doing here?” Alastor asked.

“I thought about how much we’ve been fighting, and figured...maybe we can work this out? I mean...you are my dad,” Vaggie said.

“I’m sorry dear, but I’m afraid you’ve missed your chance. I’ve already had someone created...essentially in my image,” Alastor replied, as Nifty walked in. “She’s evil, she wants to take over the world, and she easily fits in most overhead storage bins,” he added.

“Her? She’s crazy! She’s like a vicious….little...chihuahua thing!” Vaggie exclaimed.

“Am not!” Nifty returned.

“She’ll kill you the first chance she gets,” Vaggie stated.

“Perhaps,” Alastor shrugged, before smiling at Nifty. “Care to get some tea?” he asked.

“Sure!” she replied.

Meanwhile, at Angel’s apartment, he was pinning up the photos he took of his frozen self. “Damn...I am a sexy bitch,” he muttered. “Stolas! Go ahead and make ya self at home!” he called. “What do ya think of my place?” asked Angel.

“It’s amazing, Angel,” Stolas smiled.

Angel smiled back, then he looked at one of his photos. “Hang on a sec…” he muttered, before looking at it closely. Angel spotted a small drill hole in the glass. “That’s how my mojo was stolen!” he exclaimed. “Stolas is gonna think I’m the worst in bed...okay, calm down. He’s a professional. He ain’t interested in sex,” Angel said.

“Angel! I’m waiting…” Stolas called.

Angel took a deep breath, and walked into the other room. Angel’s eyes widened at the sight of Stolas shirtless on the bed. “May I have one of your world famous massages?” he asked.

“Ya mean a sensual massage? Okay,” Angel nodded.

He sat behind Stolas and put massage oil on his hands. Angel began to carefully rub Stolas’s back and shoulders. “How’s it feel, baby?” he asked, trying to hide how nervous he was.

“Mmmm, lower,” Stolas replied.

“How’s it feel, baby?” Angel asked, in a deeper voice. 

Stolas chuckled, then turned to him. “Darling, you don’t have to be cute with me. I believe that we’re past that,” he said.

“We are?” Angel asked.

“What do you think?” Stolas asked.

“Um...Stolas, I’m sorry. I can’t do this,” Angel sighed. 

Stolas felt his heart shatter, and Angel got off the bed. “I gotta go,” the blonde said.

“Is it me?” Stolas asked quietly.

“No. I just….I can’t explain it,” Angel replied, before he walked out the door. 

Stolas sat there, feeling completely rejected, when he got a call. “Hello Stolas! Where’s Angel?” Rosie asked.

“I suppose I said something wrong. He left,” Stolas answered.

“Stolas, I don’t want you getting too close with Angel. It isn’t meant to be,” Rosie said.

“I don’t get too close to anyone, Rosie. My interest in this case is completely professional,” replied Stolas.

“Wonderful! Would you mind tracking down Valentino tonight?” Rosie asked.

“Certainly,” Stolas nodded.

“We need you to plant this tracking device on him by any means necessary,” Rosie added.

“I’ll be certain to get it done,” Stolas said.

“Brilliant. Keep up the good work, Stolas,” Rosie said, before hanging up. 

Stolas sighed, then he walked out the door.

Meanwhile, Angel had driven to go look at his frozen self. “Look at ya self. Ya used to be the hottest thing on Earth. Ya were a swinger. Everybody loved ya. And now ya worthless,” he said, before sighing. “At least it can’t get any worse,” he added.

Elsewhere, Stolas and Valentino just finished having sex. “That was half decent. Of course it must have been wonderful for you. I mean look at me. I’m dead sexy,” Valentino said. 

“You certainly are,” Stolas lied. 

“I’ve just got the fucking sexiest body. Would you like some champagne?” Valentino asked. 

“No thank you,” Stolas answered.

“Fine, more for me,” Valentino said.

As Valentino rolled in bed to get the champagne from the side table, Stolas got the tracking device out of his bag. He took a deep breath, and did the only thing he could think of. Stolas shoved the device up Valentino’s ass. 

Valentino’s eyes widened. “Ready for round two already?” he smirked. “Let’s fucking get it!” he exclaimed. He and Stolas had sex again.


	7. Smells Like Shit

Alastor was once again meeting with his evil associates. “Alright, we will be putting a giant laser on the moon. As we all know, the moon rotates around the Earth. When it reaches the appropriate alignment, it will obliterate Washington DC. You see, I have turned the moon into a….what to call it? Ah! A death star,” Alastor smiled.

“You’re joking, right?” Vaggie smirked.

“No. Why?” Alastor asked.

“No reason, Vader,” replied Vaggie.

“I beg your pardon?” Alastor asked.

“Oh it’s nothing. Ripoff,” Vaggie muttered.

“Right…..anyhow, the key to this plan is the giant laser. It was invited by the notable Dr. Parsons. Because of this, we shall call it, The Alan Parsons Project,” Alastor said, causing Vaggie to snicker. “What is it now?” he asked.

“The Alan Parsons Project is a rock band from the eighties,” Vaggie replied. 

“Oh...I see…” Alastor said.

“Dr. Alastor, the name doesn’t matter. We need to get down to business,” Vox said.

“I don’t like your tone, Vox,” Alastor returned. 

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” Vox said.

“Do you want to run things around here, Vox?” Alastor asked.

“I didn’t mean anything like that,” Vox sighed.

“It’s no matter. We get back to business when I say we do!” Alastor shouted, before he paused. “Now, back to business,” he said.

Meanwhile, Angel had been driving through the city, when he spotted Stolas. He parked the car and headed over to him. “Stolas!” he called. 

“Angel,” Stolas said. 

“About what happened last night-,” Angel started.

“That’s alright. You don’t need to explain,” Stolas said.

“No! Ya don’t get it. See, what happened was…..I lost my mojo,” Angel explained.

A look of realization appeared on Stolas’s face. “Ah, so that’s why you didn’t want to have sex?” he asked.

“Yeah! Exactly!” Angel nodded.

“Oh! For a moment, I believed you didn’t like me,” Stolas said.

“Are ya joking? Ya the coolest guy I’ve ever met!” Angel smiled. “I was just scared to fall in love again. And I knew ya could never love me without my mojo,” he sighed. “It ain’t ya, I swear. Ya fabulous, ya amazing, and I really care about ya,” he finished.

“Angel, that’s so sweet of you! I care about you as well,” Stolas smiled. “But there is something I should tell you. Last night, I planted a homing device on Slimy Bastard,” he explained.

“Cool! Now we can track him down and get my mojo!” Angel exclaimed.

“Yes! But in order to get close to Valentino, I had to-,” Stolas began.

“Shit! The signal is coming through! He’s at a subway station. We gotta go!” Angel shouted.

Angel, Stolas, and their backup hurried to the subway station, guns in hand. “We’re close now. He should be right through this door,” Angel whispered.

“Let’s do this!” Stolas shouted. 

The group burst into the room, but Valentino wasn’t there. All they saw was a toilet emitting a red glow. “Fuck! He shit out the tracker!” Angel shouted.

“It appears we’ll have to get a sample to the lab to be analyzed,” Stolas said.

“Fuck,” Angel muttered. 

Soon, they were all back at HQ. Valentino’s stool sample was set up on a bunsen burner near the coffee pot. Angel was nearby, and Stolas walked over. “Angel! Do you know if the sample’s been analyzed?” he asked.

Angel didn’t answer, instead he looked Stolas over. “Damn, ya look amazing today,” he said. 

“Thank you, darling,” Stolas replied.

“Do we really have to be here for them to analyze the stool? I mean, it smells fucking disgusting,” Angel said. Since he was too busy looking at Stolas, Angel didn’t notice that he accidentally poured the stool sample into his coffee cup.

“I know, I know. But it’s still an important part of the job,” Stolas replied.

Angel was about to drink, but then Rosie walked in. “Hello, everyone!” she called.

“Hey, Rosie,” Angel smiled.

“The results are in! We discovered traces of a rare vegetable. One only found on a small island in the Carribean,” Rosie began. 

“What’s that mean?” Angel asked, as he poured sugar into his cup.

“It means that the island has got to be the location of Dr. Alastor’s lair,” Rosie answered.

“Oh cool,” Angel said, before he paused. “Geez, this coffee smells like shit,” he said. 

Rosie looked and saw the stool sample glass was half empty. “It is shit, Angel,” she replied.

“Oh good, glad I ain’t the only one who thinks so,” Angel said. He took a sip of the coffee, then immediately spat it out. “Fuck! Ya gotta warn me next time!” he yelled.

“Yes, Angel. I’ll make certain I do,” Rosie said.

“Cool, cool. Uh...Stolas? Can ya forget this ever happened?” Angel asked.

“I will,” Stolas nodded.

“I’m gonna go….eat a fuckin tube of toothpaste,” Angel said, before he walked off.


	8. Dig a Little Deeper

In Dr. Alastor’s lair, Vaggie reached for a cookie, but Nifty ran over and grabbed it first. “Yes! Last one!” she smiled.

“Dr. Alastor? I’d like to speak to you about….Nifty,” Vox said.

“What is it? I believe she’s been fitting in wonderfully,” Alastor smiled.

“It’s not that. Just...she bites. A lot,” Vox said. 

Alastor looked over at Nifty, and she simply shrugged. “Nifty dear? Do you have something to tell us?” he asked.

“I’m teething,” Nifty answered.

“Bullshit,” Vox muttered.

“Enough talk! I must call the President of the United States,” Alastor said. 

Seconds later, Alastor was on call with President Medrano. “What do you want, Dr. Alastor?” she asked.

“Madame President, in twelve hours, I will destroy Washington D.C. with a giant laser,” Alastor said, as an image of the laser appeared on screen. “Madame President, after I destroy D.C., I will destroy another major city every hour. Unless of course, you pay me one hundred billion dollars!”

Medrano looked at the other people in her office, then they all started to laugh. “Dr. Alastor, this is 1969! That amount of money doesn’t even exist!” Medrano exclaimed.

“Madame President, show me the money!” Alastor returned.

“What money?” Medrano asked.

“The money! Madame President, allow me to demonstrate the sheer power of the Alan Parsons Project!” Alastor yelled. 

Footage appeared on screen of the capitol building being destroyed. Medrano and her associates started to panic, but strangely, the building stayed intact. “Actually, that was footage from the film ‘Independence Day.’ But the actual laser would be very similar to that,” Alastor explained.

“So…..you just want a fuck ton of money, and you’ll stop it?” Medrano asked.

“Precisely! Madame President, I believe we’ve reached an understanding. Farewell!” Alastor smiled, before he ended the call. 

“Dr. Alastor, what are our plans for Angel Powers? I’m just saying, it’s been…..a WHILE, and you haven’t done anything,” Vox said.

“I’ve been busy. And I have a plan. Oh, Angel Powers. He’s the snake to my mongoose. Or the mongoose to my snake. Either way, it’s bad. I don’t know animals. But I do know this. This time it’s personal. I’ll kill him!” Alastor exclaimed. 

Meanwhile, Angel and Stolas took a sub to Alastor’s island. “Alright, let’s set up camp,” Stolas said.

“Sure! Just be careful with that bag, there’s explosives in there. This could be dangerous,” Angel replied.

The two of them started walking along the shore, looking for a good place to set up.

Meanwhile, in the lair, Alastor and Nifty decided to have an impromptu musical number. Alastor’s associates sat and watched as the doctor and Nifty played piano together. 

“What if God was one of us?  
Just a slob like one of us?  
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah  
I forgot the words…” Alastor sang.

The two seemed finished, and everyone clapped. “Thank you! Thank you!” Alastor smiled.

“That was great, doc!” Velvet exclaimed.

“Thank you, my dear! I wrote that,” Alastor said.

“Dad!” Vaggie shouted, as she walked in, carrying a skunk. “Nifty put this in my fucking bed!”

Alastor looked at Nifty. “Nifty, don’t do that again. We do not put roadkill in people’s sheets,” he said. He paused, then smiled at her. “I can’t stay mad at you!” 

“So am I allowed to put roadkill in Vaggie’s sheets?” Nifty asked.

“We’ll talk,” Alastor replied.

Meanwhile, Angel and Stolas were looking through their binoculars at the volcano. “Dr. Alastor’s headquarters is right over that next ridge,” Angel said.

“Dammit. How do we get in?” Stolas asked.

“No clue,” Angel replied.

“Let’s check the map,” Stolas said.

The two headed into their tent, and their silhouettes could be seen from the outside. “Angel, what’s our plan?” Stolas asked.

“The whole island is probably crawling with Dr. Alastor’s guards. We gotta find a way to work around them,” answered Angel.

Stolas grabbed the bag of supplies. “Angel? I want to make sure the explosives didn’t get wet, but I can’t seem to find them,” he said.

“I think they’re near the bottom,” Angel replied.

“Alright, I’ll dig a little deeper,” Stolas said, as he stuck his hand in the bag.

From outside of the tent, the silhouettes made it seem like Stolas had his hand up Angel’s ass. “This thing is so full,” Stolas said.

At that moment, Dr. Alastor’s guards approached the tent, and were caught off guard by what they saw. “Just keep digging, baby,” Angel said.

“Alright, I’ll simply feel around,” Stolas said. He pulled out a long rope. “Angel darling, what sort of things do you keep in here?”

“Anything that catches my interest,” Angel replied.

To the guards, it looked like Stolas was pulling the rope out of Angel, and they were all incredibly confused. They were even more confused when they saw Stolas pull out an umbrella. “Do you really need this?” he asked.

“Yeah! Don’t open it inside though,” Angel replied.

Stolas accidentally set off a smoke bomb, causing him to cough. “Sorry about that. It does that sometimes,” Angel said.

“It smells awful,” Stolas said.

“These bastards make me sick,” a guard whispered. 

“Goodness!” Stolas gasped, as he pulled out a gerbil. “How did that get there?” he asked.

“I….I really don’t know,” Angel replied.

“I’m gonna throw up,” another guard whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I just want to give a quick disclaimer about movie ideas. I like hearing all of your ideas, however, I don’t want any of you to get disappointed if I don’t do a movie you mentioned right away. It’s nothing personal, I promise. I’m just more likely to do a film I know or love before I do something I’ve never seen before.
> 
> Don’t get me wrong, you guys can still leave movie ideas! I love hearing them and your feedback means the world to me! I’m only saying that if I don’t write for a movie you mentioned right away, it isn’t anything personal. I love you guys! ❤️


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